Quaker Inspired!
Since some of you have asked about the format of our ceremony, we thought we’d take the opportunity to give everyone a heads-up about generally what’s going to happen. Broadly speaking, our ceremony will include a mix of elements, both programmed and open-ended. Along the way, we’ll be guided by Kevin’s awesome cousin, Hannah. The unprogrammed part of the ceremony will draw somewhat from the Quaker tradition, which will be familiar to some of you and totally new to others. Here’s an idea of what that will look like:
Once everyone is seated, we will enter the space accompanied by our families. Hannah will welcome everyone and give a brief introduction to the ceremony about to take place. At this point we will settle into silence. This silence is a central part of Quaker worship; it opens up the space to listen, both to yourself and to everyone around you. A central tenet of Quakerism is a belief in “that of God” in everyone— this presence needn’t be called God, but speaks to the humanity shared by all of us and, in this context, our belief that every person gathered has a contribution to make to our community and to our marriage.
With this in mind, anyone in the room may stand during this period of silence and offer a message to us and to the congregation. This could be the sharing of a personal experience or insight, thoughts on partnership or marriage, or simply an expression of love and support. A message is brief; it is not expected to be polished or eloquent. You do not need to prepare something in advance, as the hope is that the right words will come to whoever needs them in that moment, growing out of that silence and that space for listening. There is no expectation attached to who does or does not speak during the ceremony. It is not a toast, nor is it your only opportunity to share with us and with the group— we will make time for toasts and other well-wishes during our reception. It is important to us that we leave time (think: several deep breaths at the very least) in between messages, so that we can absorb what was shared and re-settle into silence.
Once Hannah senses that the sharing of messages has come to a close, she will guide Kevin and me through an exchange of vows: the promises we are making to one another. Everyone is invited to bear witness to these promises in writing by signing our wedding certificate after the ceremony. In that way, we are married not just by Hannah (or the State of Oregon), but also by all of you, our most favorite people in the world.
